Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Late Night Stories

These are the kinds of stories I tell myself late at night. Late at night, when I'm the most susceptible to un-diet like behavior.

Story One:

Scene: Kitchen being repaired. Blinds temporarily removed. Clear view from neighbors’ home into kitchen windows. Correction---clear view from skinny neighbor’s home into kitchen windows. 10:49pm.

Dieter: I don’t care. Let her see me pouring myself some wine and popping some popcorn. I wouldn’t be her if you paid me. Control freak. Skinny bitch.

Story Two:

Scene: Raiding the fridge. 10:52 pm.

Dieter: I don’t care. I don’t even want to be skinny. I like being fat.

Story Three:

Scene: Popping popcorn once again at 11:02 pm. Melting real butter to pour over popcorn. Pouring large glass of white wine.

Dieter: Well, if last Saturday night was any indication, my husband thinks I’m sexy. Very sexy. I really don’t need to diet. This diet obsession is crazy. At least my hubby thinks I look great. And dammit, I do!

p.s. I still have 8 pounds (from 19) to go to reach my goal. Sigh.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Starving Kelly - Bring It!

I'm always talking about going to the gym and getting in my workout. And rather than talking about the weight I've lost (or not lost (stupid donut weakness)) this week, I thought I'd share today's Last Chance Workout routine. (Yes. I totally stole this phrase from Biggest Loser.) Maybe you can find a new something that you could use for yourself? Or maybe you can look at me and say, "Girl. You're so crazy!" Or maybe you could say, "Pssshaww! That's nothin'! Here's what I do!"

And then I would say, "Really? Bring it!"

And you would say, "Consider it brought!"

And the I would say....oh, never mind. I'm off track.

Here's the workout before I get more worked up.

1. Chest: Bench Push-ups: Like the picture only I put my feet on a bench. Not good if your allergies are bad like Tina's were this week and mine were last week. Everything rushes to your head and sometimes a great big loogie pops up in your throat. Great image, no?

2. Triceps: Lying Dumbbell Skullcrushers: Bonked my head twice with these. Tina, my weight training partner, couldn't stop laughing.

3. Triceps: Bench Dips: Because you can never get enough triceps!

OK. OK. I only did five. I was woozy after the Skullcrushers or as we call them, Head Knockers.

4. Back: Bent Over Rows: Today I did these with a 30/40 pound bar instead of free weights. It feels a little different, but good.

5. Biceps: Concentration Curls: I haven't done these in a long time. They were all right. But biceps are my weak muscles, and I hate working them out.

6. Shoulders: Incline Front Raises: Tina thought these were horrible. And my muscles were certainly warm after I was finished. But I didn't think they were crazy hard. However, if you are looking for an "oooooo" or an "ahhhhh" in Testosterzone, these should do the trick!

7. Thigh: One-Legged Leg Extensions: I had a knee injury a while back, and I'm still trying to recover. These are good for building the muscle around the knee to support it. And if you really want to burn the muscle out, after 3 sets of 10 single legged, switch to both legs. Owey!

8. Hamstrings: One-Legged Hamstring Curls: OK. I couldn't find a picture of the exact machine that I use. So just imagine this only me sitting up and instead of lifting my legs to my butt, I'm pushing them down to my butt. And if you want a good burn, hold your legs to your butt for a count of five.

9. Abs: Exercise Ball with a 5 pound weight: OK. These totally and ridiculously suck. But even if your a major crunching god or goddess, these will make your tummy hurt the next day. And the next.... And the next.... And possibly the next...

10. Abs: Scissors: Or maybe it was doing these after the above one's that pushed my stomach into Painland for 3 days. Maybe.

Well that was it. Where's my cardio you ask? Well, there's the whole problem with my workout. And that probably explains my needing to go to Weight Watchers as well. Oh well. Everybody has a weakness or two or three or four...

(Oh, and if your interested in more detail about each exercise, click on the picture.)

All pictures taken from Oxygen Magazine and

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Starving Kelly - I blame it on Twitter.

So yesterday I weighed in and gained +0.2. I call this my breaking even moment. But if I call +0.2 a breaking even moment, then I would have a -0.2 a breaking even moment. But I don't.


I never said I was rational.

OK, OK. You caught me. I only sort of believe that +0.2 really is a breaking even moment. Therefore my need to rationalize my gain follows.

Here we go.

1. I had the hell flu the week before so my massive loss the week before doesn't really count. (Oh I didn't tell you did I? I lost 2.6, which is my biggest loss eva!)

2. It was very humid outside which poofed my curly hair out by 22.3 inches. And as everyone knows 22.3 inches of poof at .1 pound per 10 inches of poof equals .2 pounds.

3. Instead of my standard weigh-in uniform of cropped sweatpants and a wife beater (yes...even if it's 10 degrees Fahrenheit outside), I wore a t-shirt with sleeves. And as everyone knows each sleeve equals .1 pound. So...two sleeves equal .2 pounds.

4. I had no hot flashes in the middle of the night the night before the weigh-in, and as everyone knows, one hot flash equals .2 pounds of water weight loss. And no hot flash equals a water retention gain of .2 pounds. It's a fact. Look it up.

and finally

5. I blame it on Twitter. Sure blaming it on Twitter sounds far-fetched. But rediscovering Twitter and trying to keep up with a bunch of ladies who are live Twittering at some baby convention that I didn't even know existed is worth something. You don't believe me? Sit on your bum and try to follow the dialogue and see if you don't gain +0.2 pounds of non-physical activity weight gain.

Go on.

I dare you.

And while you're at it...why don't you tell me your rationalizations.

I need some more for next week as I try to explain away the finishing off of my husband's birthday cake for breakfast this morning.

{This is cross posted on Kellyology. Go visit. Enjoy!}

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Works for me, works for zoo

I was going to write about the struggles I'm having with sugar right now. About how I was doing really, really well for a few weeks, how I had dropped almost five pounds, then had a very emotional reaction to something in my life that involved me abandoning my progress and going back to sweets, a choice I am regretting day after day, because the sugar roller coaster, well, it is something I know and should know better than to keep riding.

I was. I was going to tell you all this, and I know that you would all understand because if we didn't all in some way have an unbalanced relationship with food, we wouldn't be here in this journey.

I was going to talk about it because I know if I'm having a hard time, I bet some of you are, too. This blog has been very quiet since around Spring Break/Easter and I'm wondering about the wagons from which we've fallen.

I was going to write all that. It was going to help me feel better. I hoped it would help you feel better, too. Sometimes knowing we are not alone is more than enough boost to get us back on track.

Then I saw this clip, and it changed everything.

Friends, a zoo, a place where large animals live relatively sedentary lives, has put some of their animals on Weight Watchers.

Yes, they get more than 20 points a day. Sure, their choices are limited, and their meals are prepared and delivered for them. But you should see the polar bear (or was it a gorilla?) that's already down 200 pounds!

Now, I think I've seen it all.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Starving Kelly - It was the wine.

{So last week I got a comment on Kellyology from Jessica that I should cross-post my Starving Kelly entries at Life On 20 Weight Watchers Points a Day. So after a few e-mails with the lady in charge, I was signed up, and you will find this post cross-posted. Thanks for including me ladies, and I hope the fact that I actually get 20 + one points a day doesn't get me kicked out. }

Today I went to my weekly Weight Watchers (WW) meeting and discovered I had gained some weight. Looking back over my food journal the reason for the gain was obvious. For some reason all of my social occasions for the month were crammed into one week of lunches, dinners, and lots and lots and lots of wine drinking.

Oh sweet glorious wine, why do you call to me so?

Needless to say no matter how careful I was with the points, I didn't actually eat a vegetable on some days. Or if I did eat a vegetable I totally ignored the milk. Oh and there was that one evening where I ate pickles and red wine for dinner in a desperate attempt to avoid the delectable barbecue that was being served at a friend's house.

So I went to my meeting this morning and was up 0.6 pounds. Now that doesn't sound like a lot right? 0.6? But for a person who the last time they did Weight Watchers averaged 0.92 pounds loss a week, that's massive. But what wasn't massive this time was my reaction. In fact I didn't really have a reaction at all. I sat down in the meeting, looked at my weigh-in card to see what I had done for the week, and said to myself, "Yup. That's what I thought it would be."


Who is this woman sitting in my body?

For the old woman that used to sit in my body would berate and belittle herself for a gain until she ended up at McDonald's with a Big Mac and a super-sized fries. But not this time.

This time I sat through the meeting in a pretty good mood. I answered questions in a positive way when asked. And when I got into my car to go home I opened up my no-bake protein bar and drove right past the McDonald's that lives in the same parking lot as my Weight Watchers center.


Maybe that old mean woman is gone.

I hope so.

The new one is a lot more fun. And, she sure makes me smile.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Happiness and Food

When I'm happy, I eat. My waist is probably the best barometer for my mental health out there. Maybe because when I'm happy, I don't worry so much about looking perfect, or what people think. I love the celebratory nature of good food, and when you add people to the mix it can be sublime.

I've really struggled with Weight Watchers, and it is because I have been really happy. I had a blip back in January where I was really stressed out and BAM lost a few pounds. But other than my initial weight loss, I've plateaued.

My jeans are looser, because Kristi and I work out six days a week, so my guess is I have been changing some soft stuff to muscle. And my vegetable and fiber consumption is through the roof. And that is a great thing, eating healthier.

Earlier this week I had a blow and I have been struggling all week with sadness and anger. It has been draining, exhausting, and annoying. I hate feeling this way. I just want to move past it and feel better. And I know I will, but this is one of those things that is going to take a little time (hurry up, dammit!). The upside? I've lost weight. I don't know how much, because I weigh myself at the gym, and I haven't had the emotional energy to get there (and a sick little one at home makes it easy for me to stay put). In a three day period I think I had a couple of sandwiches and some vegetables and chips.

I know that's not healthy - and I don't advocate it. But clearly diets are harder for me when I'm feeling whole and good.

I hope that next week I can report I've eaten a tub of goat cheese while laughing my ass off.

Monday, March 10, 2008